so much emotions & feelings but no words
what is thissss

mission: possible

who knew i would learn so much from vbs? who knew i would be so blessed from vbs? who knew i would ever fall so in love with these kids? who knew these kids would impact and take a part in my life? who knew.. God probably did. He probably knew I was unsure about serving in elementary again next year. He knew. And He answered my prayer. VBS clearly revealed His plans for me in terms of serving next year. i look forward to Sundays. I’m sad it’s only Monday…

Lord, thank you so much for blessing me with each of the students and for blessing all of us with each others’ company, fellowship and relationships. Even though I had my doubts for younger kids for prayer time and for them to learn about missions and Saudi Arabia/Islam, I was so encouraged to see them praying for one another, so curious to learn more about God,Muslims,etc and eager to go on missions. During those three days I spent with them, I can honestly say that I had so much fun (laughed like a “witch” countlessly), grew a heart for elementary ministry, learned more about my students and learned many names/faces, n also learned to appreciate my mother more lol. Also the urgency of the Great Commission to be fulfilled as He taught me how to find joy in serving Him and doing His work. But most of all, I learned more of God’s love, how much He truly, genuinely loves us unconditionally. God will always exceed my expectations, no matter how high i set them. Their hearts for doing God’s works even at such a young age is an encouragement and something to learn from. Childlike-faith indeed. After talkin to the summercamp person in Korea, I realized I really need to prepare for it. Not just physically in terms of the work I have to prepare and do there, but spiritually as well. I really need to pray for the students I’m going to be working with, also the teachers that I have never met yet as well as for myself. I never took the time out to pray for this mission as I had for my last summer one. Is it cus I don’t have intense training like last summer? Is it cus I’m just being lazy and not preparing my heart? Or maybe because I feel like I don’t need to prepare anything? I cannot rely on my on strength to do any of this. I might think that this is an easy piece of cake but really without love, nothing really means anything. God has been reminding me of 1 Corinthians 13. even through the Faith-Hope-Love DVD i borrowed from Chris and the message at Commissioning service. Perfect timing. so i will end with that.

1 Corinthians 13 Love

¹If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

via tumblr. sorry blogger. i dont use you as much.

http://yenakim.tumblr.com/

LOVE

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It alwaysprotects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Grace

I haven't been on this for like ages. Hmm i'm sorry i have neglected you over facebook, tumblr & what not. A lot has happened and been on my mind of course. But first I wanna share a blessing / burden that God has shown me... sorry ima sound like a little whiny girl... but whatevas So my sister and I used to fight a lot, but it's been like over a year since we did. basically we've both grown a lot (just in general as well as in God) but this one day. this one random day, for something so small. we both went buckwild. we were so blinded by our anger that we did not hear a thing each other was trying to say, but instead kept saying things that we knew would hurt each other. we tried to bring up past events and things that we knew would intentionally make the other mad. we kept going on and on for hours and finally, i broke down in tears. i haven't even cried like that in forever too. i usually cry when im reallly really frustrated/angry, and this was it. however, these tears did not stop our argument. so stupid.. it was over the phone too, so there i was at UCI apartments.. crying.. yelling.. arguing.. not letting go. Both of us refused to show any grace nor did we want to settle and end the neverending-going-nowhere-argument. I don't know how it happend, but we finally just dropped it and i kept crying. Then only later, I realized how UGLY we were. how sinful we are and how blind we are. We both knew it was going nowhere, but yet we coudln't let go. we had to WIN. we couldn't surrender nor let the other feel better at all. we brought up pasts, even things we knew we were done talkin about, things we knew would hurt the other A LOT. no mercy what so ever.

yup. two stubborn selfish lil immature girls. Through all this ugly madness, once again I realized God's sovereignty. I have been asking God to show me and remind me of His great love and grace that I so-called learned this past summer. I have been forgettin what kind of Father He is and what kind of undeserving love we are receiving. I know this argument-over-nothing happend for a reason and led me to really re-evaluate, to remember How He Loves Us So, even though we are so nasty. He forgave me of my sins and will continue to forgive my sins in the future. My sins are washed away through His blood, but why can't i even let go of such little things of this world? Why do i continue to love the world? Yet, He never lets go of me.

So Father God. Thank you soooo much for this grace and love that we absolutely do not deserve. Won't you continue to shape me and mold me. Lead me to the cross.

Jesus You Will NEVER Fail

My soul is weak
My heart is numb
I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I’ll hold on tightly
You will never let me go
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross i cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy’s found a way for me
Hope is here as i am free
Jesus, You are all i need
Clinging to the cross

Even darkness is as light to You, my Lord
So light the way and lead me home
To that place where every tear is wiped away
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

please? but why cant i let go

are you ready

You come like you promised you would
I want to surrender for good
I know that i need you
And i dont want to keep living life alone

So take my heart
and make it new
make it true
And make it like you
Take my hands
I lift them high
They’re yours not mine to do

I feel like a blind man in your sight

I know that im wicked in your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like the sun
I want to tell everyone
that youre the only one

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like you
Take my hands
I lift them high
They’re yours not mine to do
Do what you will

Time! Slow down! please?

where did time go?

why is it that time goes by sooo fast? i start my monday and i realize its already the weekend.. and then its monday all over again.. Every Week passes by like as if it has less than 7 days. I was talking to Chris about it and he says that when time starts passing real fast then that means I'm getting old. Ehhh... =\ Another thing that shocked me is how I am older than some(or many?) of the juniors. Ehhh =\ Yes I am 20 years old. That's pretty crazy for me to grasp, that I already lived like 1/5 of a century.. hahah Some of you guys are probably wow whatever shut up, but I don't know. It just hit me as I drove down with Eumi last night and I realize she's 21 and I'm 20 hahah. weird. age is just a number. i guess. .. haha

Time-Management: I guess it's one of my struggles at the moment. 24 Hours a day. Sleep 7-8 hours. Eat 1-2 Hours. Class 2-3 Hours. Gym 1-2Hours. There's still like 9 hours left. But where does that time go? Where is time for God? Hmmm.

So my foundations class+sermons I've heard has been teaching &reminding me of what sin is. It's not only actions, thoughts, attitudes that is against God's will that will separate us from God, but it's also NOT doing something Jesus would do. That just added so many things to my list. LOVE. where is the love? On the other hand, when we know that God has already forgave us, but why do we have such a hard time forgiving ourselves? What is that saying about God?

Thank You for Your Grace.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…